Dane T. Hatchell
Do you have a nickname or what do your friends call you?
Enad (my name spelled backwards because I think opposite of ‘normal’ people) or Danebrammage.
Favorite city and why?
Don’t have one. Every place becomes boring after a short while.
I think that the locational cure rarely solves anyone’s problems. Moving somewhere else only means that you’re going to have to deal with a different random selection of people that will probably mostly act the same way. And at the end of the day, you’ve still brought yourself wherever you go.
Birthday / Age:
I’ll turn 56 this year.
How would you describe yourself physically?
More slim than fat, 6ft but shrinking.
How would someone else describe you physically?
How can that mannequin walk and talk and why doesn’t he open his eyes all the way?
The first thing people notice about you is…
Whatever is behind me.
Is this a class I’m supposed to sign up for?
Nope. I think you got an old interview survey. I think I pulled that question from the most recent version of the initial questionnaire because I stopped caring about pretending to be interested in what people prefer to have sex with. I included the question initially because for some people their sexuality is an integral part of their identity, but if that’s the case it tends to come out in the rest of the interview anyway.
Religion, if any?
Christian Pantheist but not a pure Darwinist.
“Christian Pantheist”? That’s a new one to me. How would you describe that one?
I was introduced to the spiritual side life through Christianity. I do believe that God ‘has a plan.’ But the creator is not removed from his creation. I recognize God through Christianity. But ultimately, creation can only come out of God, thus we and everything else is part of God. Our spirits, the spark that animates all living things, is a part of the spirit of God. Compartmentize in a vessel, limited by that vessel, and thus being limited able to experience sensation. How else could a God experience sensation unless it was to limit itself?
Are you superstitious at all?
I believe if I fart and don’t say excuse me it’s rude to God and I will pay the consequence.
Well, God is supposed to be everywhere at the same time, so it is the polite thing to do.
I hate the thought of licking a razorblade.
Great. Now I just imagined licking a razorblade. Thanks for that.
Do you smoke / drink?
An occasional cigar.
Beer almost daily with side orders of vodka and whiskey.
Current occupation / Dream job:
Supervisor at petro/chemical company. / Genetic engineer.
What do you like to do when you’re not at work?
Take long drives and eat at hole in the wall restaurants.
What is your zombie outbreak survival plan?
Protect my wife and stop shooting at zombies when I’m down to two rounds in my gun. Don’t miss when taking the next two shots.
Weapon of choice:
Colt AR15 hbar
Do you have any special skills?
I can suck the life out of any fun event.
Did you go to college and, if so, what for?
Started college in hopes of becoming a psychologist.
If you went to college, did you manage to pay off your student loans?
Not in long enough to get in debt.
Any pets? If so, what are they and what are their names?
Three cats, Parker, Dexter, and Moo kitty. One chocolate Lab named Cocoa.
What is your favorite animal?
Speaking of pets, any pet peeves?
Distracted drivers. You know who you are.
Favorite / Least favorite Food:
Tacos. / Green peas and carrots mixed.
What is your favorite quotation / motto / saying?
What is the sound of one hand clapping? God without man.
What is the best thing that ever happened to you?
Meeting my wife of 36 years now.
What is the worst thing that ever happened to you?
Being the prodigy of the village idiot.
Ever had your heart broken? Is there a story worth telling behind your answer?
Yes, when my assholiness got to the point my wife left me for a short time. I learned my lesson. Mostly.
Ever broken someone’s heart? Is there a story worth telling behind your answer?
My wife’s. I’ll keep my shame to myself.
What is the best thing you’ve ever done?
Raised the best daughter in the world.
What is the worst thing you’ve ever done?
Some sins shall forever remain hidden.
No worries. I’ve got some secrets, and not all of them my own, that I’m taking with me to the grave.
If you could kill one person, consequence free, who would it be and why?
With the NSA listening, there’s no such thing as consequence free thoughts.
What do you do?
Turn olefin into aldehyde and aldehyde into alcohol. Almost the same as what Jesus did. Well, maybe not…
How did you get started doing what you do?
Best job available at the time for a high school graduate.
What is your advice to other people that want to get started doing what you do?
Stop thinking a company is going to pay you a hundred grand a year to sit on your ass and play on your smart phone all day.
What are some of the projects you’ve worked on/finished in the past?
Give us a little history if you will. : My biggest project was my first novel, Resurrection X. It’s 95,000 words long and took me two years to write. From the very first draft of each chapter I probably proofed each one over 10 times. Once the novel was finished, I completed 12 drafts of the novel. After that, I paid to have it edited, then worked on two more drafts before submitting to publication by Post Mortem Press. I had to choose 15 of my bestest short stories to include in my collection Mind Hemorrhages published by Hazardous Press. My other projects have involved Bram Stoker Nominee Mark C. Scioneaux. Together we wrote a shark/slasher novella titled Slipway Grey published by Evil Jester Press. We have two other novels waiting to be placed by our agent. Insurgent Z is a classic zombie novel with some interesting twists and a forward by the great Joe Mckinney. Thrill Me Kill Me blends serial killers with the supernatural for wild ride down Interstate 10 to Los Angles.
If you could recommend one work of yours for someone interested in checking out your work which would you recommend?
What projects are you working on now?
I want to finish a bizzaro novella titled I Sing The Buttered Electrode and decide where to go from there.
What are you watching?
Enlightened (HBO), True Detective (HBO), The Walking Dead.
What are you listening to?
Rush, Devo, Cake, Alice in Chains, Broken Bells.
What are you reading?
Black and Orange by Benjamin Kane Etheridge
Favorite author / book?
Favorite author is Robert Crais, but Dune by Frank Hebert is my favorite book.
Favorite band / song?
Rush is my favorite band, but Won’t Get Fooled Again is the greatest rock song ever.
Least favorite band / song?
Urban hip hop. You know, the songs they torture the inmates at Guantanamo Bay with.
If you could do anything other than what you do now, what would you do?
Sleep, perchance to dream.
Who would you want to meet that you haven’t met? You get three choices:
Alive. Dead. Fictional.
Quentin Tarantino , Paul of Tarsus, Paul Atreides (Dune).
What’s the best and worst job you’ve ever had?
Current job is the best. The worst was working as a Teamster back in the late ‘70s.
Are there any questions that I didn’t ask that you wished I had asked that you would like to answer now?
Am I going to change my name to Dane Gerous?
The answer is no.
Anyone you recommend I interview that you can put me in touch with?
Mark Scioneaux. You can message him on FB. Good guy. Good writer.
Excellent. Turns out we’re Facebook friends so I just sent him a message.
Got any questions for me?
Would you like fries with that?
No thanks. I’m trying to watch my girlish figure. You know what they say, “A moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips.” On second thought, I’m not trying to impress anyone. Make with the fries.
Thanks for letting me subject you to being interviewed!
Give me all of your links for things you want to promote. All of them.
About the Interviewee:
Dane Hatchell was born and lives in Baton Rouge, Louisiana. He works in the manufacturing industry by the shores of the Mississippi River.
He is the author of numerous short stores that have appeared in various horror and science fiction anthologies over the past several years. His first novel Resurrection X: Zombie Evolution debuted in 2012. His collection Mind Hemorrhages is available, and he is the coauthor of the thrilling novella Slipway Grey.