Interview with Mikey Knives.

Full Name:
Michael Guadagni

Do you have a nickname or what do your friends call you?
Mike or Mikey Knives.

Birthplace:
Providence, Rhode Island.

Current hometown: 
Ditto.

Favorite city and why?
Providence I haven't lived anywhere else outside of Lil Rhody so I feel as if I don't have a proper opinion of other places. There are cities I love to go to but I feel my opinions of them are based on touring and vacationing there are biased due to that.

Birthday / Age:
January 19, 1981 / 32 years  

How would you describe yourself physically?
Long haired and bearded with lots of tattoos and piercings.

How would someone else describe you physically?
Shaggy Dirty tattooed guy or hippy I've been called both of those by people I didn't know.
Who even calls anyone else a hippy anymore?
Speaking of which, tell our readers that story you told me about what happened when your vehicle broke down on tour.

Dingbats wishing it was still the sixties or ultra conservatives who wish it was the fifties. 

Oh yeah that one. So two friends of mine and myself are following Lightning Bolt on a southeastern US tour. We are in Alabama going to Birmingham. At this time Alabama is in the process of repairing and adding new highway.  So at points we would have to exit the highway and enter onto a parallel road. Which was mostly likely the original highway running through AL. At some point we stop to get gas we are about an hour to two hours away from Birmingham. As I'm pumping gas my two friends go into a store in the same parking lot as the gas station. When I finish I pull up to the front entrance of this store. I wait in the car awhile and then decide to shut the car off and listen to music. After a bit longer I figure I should go in and find them and use the pisser. I go inside and look for them the interior of this place is pretty big. I had thought it was a department store like a Kmart or an Ames but, instead it's full of 2nd hand stuff. I find them in the back laughing and digging through piles of stuff. I approach them and they are so excited by what they're finding mostly because everything in this place is dirt cheap. They ask me to see the stuff they found. I start picking through a bin that is filled with kitchen ware, toys, tools and what not. As I'm digging I come across this ceramic pickle glued to a wooden plaque. We all start laughing and goofing on why a ceramic pickle is glued to this plaque. I turn the pickle around to see the price only twenty five cents. We all burst out laughing again. We all decide to head up to the counter seeing as how we've been here for awhile and don't want to be late for the show. I buy the pickle and we head to the car. I suddenly realized I have locked the keys in the car. I scream "Fuck!". I go inside and ask the woman behind the counter if I could have a coat hanger. They hand me a coat hanger. I go outside to try and open the car with it. But due to the car being designed with a seam that blocks the use of a coat hanger it failed. I go back inside the thrift store and ask them if they know of any where I can get assistance. By the way the woman behind the counter were very nice. So they tell me there's two dealerships near here less than a five minute walk away. I go to the first place that's on the same side of the street as us. I walk over to the garage as I could see someone in there. I go over to the garage door and knock on the side of the building. I say "Hi I locked my keys in my car and was wondering if you could help us out. I'm willing to pay for the service or rent the tool to do it myself." The man says nothing and pushes a button and I hear the sound of a automatic garage. I look above me and see that the door I'm standing under is above me and is closing. So I step back from the threshold of the garage port. The man never said anything but respond with closing the door I'm standing under. Maybe he was hoping it would crush me. I shrug it off thinking that guys an asshole. I cross the street to the other dealership on the opposite side of the street. I walk into the main office showroom. I see a man in a suit and tie obviously a car dealer. I ask him the same question as the previous man. He says " Best turn round from whence you came." At this point I'm speechless I couldn't believe what he said. I head back to the guys and tell them what happened. We are now sitting on the curb trying to think up a plan. The woman from the thrift store have already left for the night. Suddenly it pops into my head that I have AAA. I call the number and tell them my predicament explaining I don't have my card on hand. I tell them my name. They return back with "Michael Guadagni of 123 main st Newport RI?" I don't live there so obviously there's someone in RI with the same name. I respond back "Yeah that's me." the lady says "Ok great he should be there anywhere between fifth-teen minutes to two hours".  Awesome as long as someone is coming at some point to help get us out of this fucking place! So again we're sitting on the stoop of the thrift store waiting. A cop car rolls into the lot and pulls up close to us. He says "What are you guys doing?" I explain to him about the keys and the car. He looks us up and down. (Just so you know we probably look like hooligans to this guy. I have multiple piercings in my face and a fair share of tattoos. One of my friends is tall with long dreads and is a Puerto Rican Jew and the one of the many serious potheads I know. The other guy is tall skinny a bit weird and wearing tight pants and a tight shirt.) He then says to us "I'm going to be back in about an hour, and if you're still here, you're going to be in seriously trouble." After he said that I pictured either Deliverance or just take us out back and shoot us. So the cop leaves and we start freaking out. We are also hoping the AAA guy will be here before he gets back. Luckily AAA showed up before the cop. He gets our car open in no time. We also learn that he's a Hells Angel and he was originally from the northeast. Anyways we get to the show in time to catch the last few songs of LB. Later we talk to a guy from Birmingham, we tell him the story. He ask us what town were we in, at the current moment I don't recall the name of that town but, we tell him and then he says " I wouldn't even go to that town and I'm 5th generation Alabamian."

The first thing people notice about you is…
I've been told people notice my eyes and then the long hair and beard. 

Hair Color / Eye Color / Race?
Brown hair/ blue green and some brown eyes/ white and Native American.

Sexual orientation?
Straight. 

Religion, if any? 
Atheist/Agnostic.

Are you superstitious at all? Any phobias?
I believe in ghosts. 

Do you smoke/drink?   If so, what?   Any bad habits?
Don't drink or smoke. 

Current occupation / Dream job:
Floor sander and artist/ either deep space explorer or super villain with special powers.

What do you like to do when you’re not at work?
I watch lots of movies, work on my place, work on my art projects, cook, hang with friends, play video games, and play Cave Evil when time allows. 

What is your zombie outbreak survival plan?
Kill zombies till I die and come back as a zombie then kill humans until I die.

Weapon of choice:
Full automatic machine gun or rail gun. 

Do you have any special skills?
I guess I'm kinda a jack of most trades. 

Did you go to college and, if so, what for?
Rhode Island College Film Studies.
Why Rhode Island College? And why Film Studies? 

Well it was the only school I could afford that had anything to do with film. I had offers from other schools but no money from those school to back those offers. 

If you went to college, did you manage to pay off your student loans?
No loans

Any pets?   If so, what are they and what are their names?
I have a cat named Tomato.

What is your favorite animal?
Unknown.

Speaking of pets, any pet peeves?
None.

Favorite / Least favorite Food:
Spicy foods / cake.

What is your favorite quotation / motto / saying?
Monotony is the vice of life. You'll be dead soon and so will your shitty attitude.

What is the best thing that ever happened to you?
Hasn't happened yet. 

What is the worst thing that ever happened to you? 
My childhood.

Ever had your heart broken? Is there a story worth telling behind your answer?
I thought it had been broken once but I realize now it wasn't love it was lust. No interesting story behind it. 

Ever broken someone’s heart? Is there a story worth telling behind your answer?
I don't know hope not. 

What is the best thing you’ve ever done?
It hasn't happened yet.

What is the worst thing you’ve ever done?
There's too many that tie with 1st place.

If you could kill one person, consequence free, who would it be and why?
The list is too long for that one. I rather go with permanent life long humiliation. I think that's better than killing them cause they'd have to live with it the rest of their lives.

What do you do? 
I make tentacle monsters and tour with bands among other things.

How did you get started doing what you do?
It just happened one day went on the road with a band and the next thing I know I started making creatures.

What is your advice to other people that want to get started doing what you do?
Just start small and work your way up. Sometimes you got to make compromises with how you afford your lifestyle but if you really want to do it you will find a way.  Also never give up never never surrender. 

What are some of the projects you’ve worked on/finished in the past? Give us a little history if you will.
I recently had some work up at a local restaurant that was in conjunction with the Providence Necronomicon. It was two 42 foot long centipede creatures. Previous to that I roadied for Black Pus on a month long tour. I released a live video comp of selected live acts that I had recorded over the years. Before that I had work displayed at the Dirt Palace window.  I'm also in a band called Vile Reign.

What projects are you working on now?
Right now I'm thinking of taking my work and applying it to clothing namely hoodies. Possibly dabbling in making quilts based on my work. And always making the tentacle monsters.

What are you watching?
I've been watching lots of documentaries that revolve around Alaska. That and watching Adventure Time and Futurama. 
Why Alaska?

Well it started with watching a documentary on grizzlies in Alaska. There after I got on an Alaska kick that and Netflix kept suggesting them. I also have found that state interesting due to the cities being so close to vast open wilderness.  It's one of the few areas in the nation were there are cities with no direct highway access and you can be in a downtown area and watch a grizzly and a moose go head to head.  

What are you listening to?
King Diamond, Amon Amarth, Portal, and Morbid Angel.

What are you reading?
Articles linked through Facebook. / Metabarons

Favorite author / book?
Candide

Favorite band / song?
Burzum, and Portal

Least favorite band / song?
The radio and everything about it.

Desert Island Music / Movies / Books: You know the deal. Five of each.
Neil Young Harvest,  Amon Amarth Once Sent From The Golden Hall, Mercyful Fate Mellisa, Burzum Burzum, Yes Greatest Hits
Ghostbusters, David Lynch's Dune, Big Trouble In Little China, Spaceballs, and an unmarked extended play VHS full of whatever.
If I could take all the comics I own that would be enough. 

If you could do anything other than what you do now, what would you do?  
I'd be a dictator of a nation maybe something like cobra commander but with super powers and legions of followers who follow me like a god.
So pretty much you want to grow up to be Doctor Doom.

Yeah pretty much minus the extreme disfigurement of Victor Von Doom. 

Who would you want to meet that you haven’t met? You get three choices:
Alive. Dead. Fictional.
Kurt Russell, A caveman or Albert Einstein, God/Jesus/  or Spider-Man 

What’s the best and worst job you’ve ever had?
Best job garbage man worst job working at any department store.
What was so great about being a garbage man? Why don’t you do it anymore? 

Well it was the people I worked with that helped make it a great job. Also all the free shit people throw out and we were done working between 10:30 and 1pm. We couldn't leave but we were allowed to hang in the break room till clock out. So most of us napped and watched tv. Long story short I saw a lot of dangerous stuff  happen and I thought it was time to move on and if you went union you had to start as the bottom man. Which meant you had to drive the recycling truck or a garbage truck. 

Are there any questions that I didn’t ask that you wished I had asked that you would like to answer now? 
Nah.

Anyone you recommend I interview that you can put me in touch with?
Dave Fischer, dave@cca.org
Ha! I love Dave but he got mad at me because of a conversation we had in a comment thread we had in response to a “911 TRUTH” graffiti I posted a picture of that I saw on my walk home one day and he dropped me as an imaginary friend.
The Internet… enabling people to develop irrevocable differences since the mid 90s.

Yeah I love Dave too. That sucks. But that is something he could do not sure what the pic was of. Yeah that's what the internet offers. 

Got any questions for me? 
Nah.

Thanks for letting me subject you to being interviewed!
You're welcome.

Pitch parade:
Give me all of your links for things you want to promote.   All of them.
Facebook: 
Twitter: @mikeknives
Website: https://www.etsy.com/shop/mikeknives
Blog: http://squeeksandgrumbles.blogspot.com
YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/user/squeekandgrumble

About the Interviewee: 
Would sleep all day if he could.

About the Interviewer:
Scott Lefebvre has probably read everything you've read and can write about whatever you want him to write about.
Mostly because when he was grounded for his outlandish behavior as a hyperactive school child, the only place he was allowed to go was the public library.
His literary tastes were forged by the works of Helen Hoke, Alvin Schwartz and Stephen Gammell, Ray Bradbury, Richard Matheson, Stephen King, Clive Barker, Edgar Allan Poe, and H. P. Lovecraft.
He is the author of Spooky Creepy Long Island and a contributing author to Forrest J. Ackerman’s Anthology of the Living Dead, Fracas: A Collection of Short Friction, The Call of Lovecraft, and Cashiers du Cinemart.
His reviews have been published by a variety of in print and online media including Scars Magazine, Icons of Fright, Fatally Yours and Screams of Terror, and he has appeared in Fangoria, Rue Morgue and HorrorHound Magazine.
He is the Assistant Program Director for The Arkham Film Society and produces Electronic Music under the names Master Control and LOVECRAFTWORK.
He is currently working on a novel-length expansion of a short-story titled, "The End Of The World Is Nigh", a crowd-funded, crowd-sourced, post-apocalyptic, zombie epidemic project.
Check out the blog for the book here: theendoftheworldisnighbook.blogspot.com
Check out the Facebook Fan Page for the project here: www.facebook.com/TheEndOfTheWorldIsNighBook
Check his author profile at: www.amazon.com/Scott-Lefebvre/e/B001TQ2W9G
Follow him at GoodReads here:
www.goodreads.com/author/show/1617246.Scott_Lefebvre
Check out his electronic music here: soundcloud.com/master_control
And here: master-control.bandcamp.com
Check out his videos at: www.youtube.com/user/doctornapoleon
Check out his IMDB profile here: www.imdb.com/name/nm3678959
Follow his Twitter here: twitter.com/TheLefebvre or @TheLefebvre
Follow his Tumblr here: thelefebvre.tumblr.com
Check out his Etsy here: www.etsy.com/shop/ScottLefebvreArt
Join the group for The Arkham Film Society here:
www.facebook.com/groups/arkhamscreenings
Stalk his Facebook at: www.facebook.com/TheLefebvre
E-mail him at: Scott_Lefebvre@hotmail.com

OPTIONAL: Prove you’re not a replicant.

Question 1:
A tortoise lays on its back, its belly baking in the hot sun beating its legs trying to turn itself over but it can't, not without your help, but you're not helping. Why is that?
I must be dead or paralyzed. 

Question 2:
Describe in single words, only the good things that come in to your mind about your mother.
Unit 634 incubation chamber was just as sufficient as any other. So in single words adequate and efficient.  

Question 3:
It's your birthday. Someone gives you a calfskin wallet.
The calf is already dead might as well not let it go to waste. 

Question 4:
You've got a little boy. He shows you his butterfly collection plus the killing jar.
Life is death it's the circle of life annnnyawhenya.  

Question 5:
You're watching television. Suddenly you realise there's a wasp crawling on your arm. 
Well hopefully it bites me and I turn into wasp woman and can change back when doused with cold water. 

Question 6:
You're reading a magazine. You come across a full-page nude photo of a girl. You show it to your husband. He likes it so much he hangs it on your bedroom wall. 
I must be gay if I have a husband or I'm wasp woman due to that wasp biting me. Either way I'm cool with nude spread. 

Question 7:
You're watching a stage play. A banquet is in progress. The guests are enjoying an appetizer of raw oysters. The entree consists of boiled dog.
I hear boiled dog isn't so tasty but yay about the oysters!