Monday, October 28, 2013

Interview with Kelly Forbes.

Full Name:
Kelly Forbes, the unfathomable.  I was named by George Pal.
Oshawa, Ontario, Canada.
Essentially the ship of lost souls but it's all laid off factory workers.
I grew up in Woonsocket, Rhode Island.
It was a dying textile mill town and an awful place to be from, even worse to be.

Current hometown:
Scarborough, the stabbing capital of Toronto.
If you can find that in print someplace that would be great as I have to check my facts. Plus that sounds pretty cool, although I bet it’s a lot less cool in person.
Follow up fact, Oshawa has the lowest education scores and highest teen pregnancy level in the province.
Sounds like a lot of high school kids are bunking school to fuck and stab each other.

Favorite city and why?
I like Niagara Falls for the contrast.  One side is insane haunted houses built around a burger king and beer is $20, where two minutes across the border you're living through the days of the Road Warrior.
The publisher of my first book tried to talk me into writing a regional paranormal book about Buffalo, New York. I turned the project down because there wasn’t enough material to write the 200 page book they wanted and I couldn’t in good conscience try to put out a crate full of packaging peanuts with a few loose peanuts scattered throughout. If they had let me include all of the crazy paranormal stuff I found out about the Niagara area I probably could have written that book, but they had another author working on their Upstate New York book.

Birthday / Age:

How would you describe yourself physically:

How would someone else describe you physically:
Likely the same.  Thick of loin and nimble.

The first thing people notice about you is:
My unusual size I think.

Hair Color/Eye Color/Race:
None, Blue, Frisian.

Sexual orientation:

Religion, if any:
Not really.  I find the idea that there are over 40,000 branches of just Christian beliefs kinda lays out the probability of anyone being right.  I look at it like this.  Find someone who is dead and have them tell me what happened.  The second that occurs, I'll believe in anything.

Do you smoke / drink?
I am a committed smoker.  I'm holding on and seeing this through.  Bring it on cancer, let's do this.
I always say that when George Romero finally dies from lung cancer I’ll quit for good. But if it doesn’t kill him, it probably won’t kill me because that big Latin bear smokes four packs a day and has been doing that for sixty years.
Lemmy.  Let's not forget him. His blood is like the Alien now.
I think that Lemmy has been transfigured into literal Godhood and is now invulnerable.

Current occupation / Dream job:
I'm actually a production artist/printer during the day.  Chances are if you've seen something in a store like a sign, vehicle or poster in Toronto, I did it.  Not creative really but I do get to watch myself age and die, so there's that.  But I do work on and off for Fangoria.  Also, I have many failed projects some people my know me from.  Hi Ed Demko!  Dream Job? Radio host.  I love the mic.
I did the Toronto Fan Expo as a vendor for five or so years in a row in the 00s so if you did any printing for them I probably saw your work. Also, the first year, we had way too many shirts shipped to the show and didn’t want to try to smuggle them back across the border so we tossed about 200 of them out to the audience at the George Romero screening and Q&A hosted by Rue Morgue so if you know anyone into horror in the Toronto area you’ve probably seen my old company’s shirts.

What do you like to do when you’re not at work:
Find a way around going back.

What is your zombie outbreak survival plan:
Sacrifice the weak.  Run in zig zags,. Hang my sandwiches.  Fuck bears, man.  Zombies too.
Fuck bears and zombies indeed.

Weapon of choice:
I think a fully fueled combine is a solid pick.
If you’re bunkered in on a farmstead then a pass a day should keep the zombies away. And imagine how well the corn will grow with all that free fertilizer!
See?  Forward thinking, man.

Do you have any special skills:
What like swordplay?  Sure, I can do voices, I can speed read, I'm a bit of a drawer.  All the essential world skills that make a father well up with regret.
”I didn’t bring my sword to swordfight.”

Did you go to college and, if so, what for?
I have an honourable discharge from Durham College.

If you went to college, did you manage to pay off your student loans?
Ha!  I opened my own business.  Suck it college fruits!  Seriously though, post secondary looks good on paper but apprenticing in a trade or diving right in puts your four years ahead of anyone.  Even at minimum wage you're making money not spending it.

Any pets?   If so, what are they and what are their names?
I have a small Guinea Pig named Piggie Smalls.
I’m jealous I didn’t think of that first.
A.K.A. The Notorious P.I.G.

What is your favorite animal?
Roman Cane Corsos are nifty.  Those are the hallowed “Dogs of War” used as trench diggers.
I looked them up on Google. They look AWESOME!
They would suit them up in armour and they'd just rip the shit out of everyone.

Speaking of pets, any pet peeves?
Entitlement, people who are certain about anything, stubborness, rich kid hair, big stupid families.

Favorite / Least favorite Food:
I love Indian cuisine and even though it makes me a gringo, Butter Chicken.  Good beef, wild game, awesome.  I hate Lasagna, coffee, popcorn and wine.  And anything sold off a coffee truck.
How can you hate popcorn? I mean, I don’t usually eat a lot of it at home, but whenever I go to see a movie in a theater it’s MANDATORY.
I eat nothing at a movie.  It gets in the way.  There's something nauseating about popcorn's stank.

What is your favorite quotation/motto/saying?
Behind every great fortune is a great crime.”  I'd love to cite that line.
Looks like it was Le Père Goriot.

What is the best thing that ever happened to you?
This is a bit obtuse but, being born with the faculties to live as a free man.  I'm lucky to have known such great and smart people and been lucky enough to listen to the right ones.

What is the worst thing that ever happened to you?
I wasted a lot of my years and my energies being terror filled.  Long story, but poverty and heartache are involved.
Oh, I’m well familiar with those twisted sisters. My sympathy.

What is the best thing you’ve ever done?
I think I'm about to do it.  No, not this fucking survey, but it's coming I feel ready.

If you could kill one person, consequence free, who would it be and why?
One person isn't the way.  I'd rather trade it for financially ruining many.  I'd love to wipe out media barons and bloated bankers.

How did you get started doing what you do?
Professionally, I fell into it. There's no school for my line of work, so I just kept doing it, had my own place, moved around and here I am.  Feeding myself!  As far as any of my art work, I just knew how to draw and I practiced like a nutbar.

What is your advice to other people that want to get started doing what you do?

I think there's better choices.  If you want to be a pro artist, go ahead and let me know how YOU do it.  Even the very best make less than a second shift guy at GM, so if it's worth it to you, just get good and choke the right people with your work.  I'm lucky in a sense that I can get virtually any gig I want, but the pay just isn't there anymore.  Do it for love, do it for fun.  Money, well, it's not a job now.  The avenues are dried up.

What are some of the projects you’ve worked on/finished in the past? Give us a little history if you will.
Sure, I've been around quite a bit in the last few years.  My first real gig was doing the Johnny Gruesome comic for Greg Lamberson (Slime City), that led into a bizarre stint with Doorways Magazine, quite possibly the worst people ever assembled in the history of the publishing industry.  I submitted pieces which they would partially redraw then complain about the final product.  Great stuff.  I've been with Fangoria on and off for a few years now.  I did the cover for #301, 306 and all three Legends issues.  Also, I did the cover for the TIFF program for David Cronenberg.  Hmmm, let's see?  Oh, Dead Format.  I created the column and wrote it for 9-10 months, also hosted a short lived podcast about that. Album covers, paintings, lots of stuff.  Did some of work for Adidas during the Star Wars license.

What projects are you working on now?
Right now I'm devising an adaptation of the Poetic Edda, the Norse mythological stories.  I'm doing a series of plates based on three translations and creating what I estimate to be 140 illustrations.  I'm also doing Cult Magazine which is available on as a li'l sidebar to Fango.  Other things are in development at the moment, but because of licensing it's not within my rights to mention.  I can say that Greg and I are inevitably working together again.
Keep me posted on your Norse Poetic Edda project. My room-mate is way into heathenry and is definitely your target demographic.
I tried to get Greg Lamberson to submit to being interviewed but when I e-mailed him the survey he balked. I think it smelled of work. Not that he’s allergic to hard work, but I do admit I make my interview subjects sing for their supper a bit and if they don’t like typing about themselves then my interview format really isn’t going to be their cup of tea. I said I’d get back to him when I started integrating audio and video in the blog but I just started integrating pictures so audio and video, and I’m doing this for no money and minimal exposure, so that’s probably a while off. Maybe he’ll read this one and come around as I’d like to have him on the blog.
What are you watching?
Lots of Euro horror, stand up comedy and laserdiscs.  I've been trying to cross essential films off my list finally, so my main goal is to do Paul Naschy's entire Hombre Lobo series in order.  Netflix and Hulu are really expanding my realm of interest as it's literally right  there to watch.  If anyone is into edgy humour, Doug Stanhope's Beer Hall Putch (on Netflix right now!) is the best performance of the last 20 years, maybe ever.
A man after my own twisted blackened cinder of a heart.
Cinemageddon is having a Halloween free leech for everything tagged "Horror" and "Gore" so I'm finally downloading the Mario Bava, and Jean Rollin filmographies.
I’m also a HUGE fan of Stanhope, and I was pissed that he played my town the Thursday before last and I had to miss it because The Arkham Film Society had a screening scheduled and since it’s only the two of us keeping it together these days I couldn’t very well fuck off on my own screening to see Stanhope live although I seriously considered it.
I’m a big fan of Bill Hicks, George Carlin, Louis CK, Patton Oswalt and Mike Birbigla also.

Same.  I got to see Carlin's last performance in Toronto.  My heart weeps for that guy, I loved him.
I was totally crestfallen when I found out he died. Coincidentally I was watching one of his specials off of a DVD when the news starting popping up on MySpace. They don’t make guys like that anymore and more’s the shame.
What are you listening to?
The last three albums I listened to are 1. The Heavy Metal OST  2. Rob Zombie's latest 3. Rage Against the Machine The Battle of Los Angeles.  I also dig on podcasting when I have the time.  I'd recommend Greg Proops' The Smartest Man in the World.
If you toss me a link I’ll check it out as long as it’s free. Money’s a bit tight these days.

What are you reading?
Surprisingly little in a traditional sense.  I've never been one for novels and sprawling epics of prose as I have to find moments of complete and utter silence to indulge.  Rather, I'm finding or trying to, blogs from people who have voices and personalities that shine through.
Favorite author / book?
My favourite writer is my friend Steve.  He is also known as Fruckubus Crunt.  He is a singular entity and one of the most engaging and clever writers you'll ever read.  He can accomplish in a few words what few can do in entire volumes.
I sent him an add request. He sounds like an interesting guy to interview.
Favorite band / song?
I'll always love AC/DC.  They are the nucleus of straight forward smash your face in with guitar music.  Song?  I love a song in a moment.  It's context.  Like the final confrontation in Micheal Mann's Heat where Pacino and DeNiro are squaring off and the orchestral blast culminates.  I love that song, but out of context it's nothing really.  Same as the score from The Thing.  It's just “Bum...Bum...”, you'd go fucking mad listening to that.  I know everyone has a great response for this question and pulls out some indie band that has an elegantly layered song that relates to man's folly and how they lost a love and found hope, and what have you.  But I detest meaning through music.  I like to be absorbed by sound, not lyrics.
I do admit I love a few indie bands that have elegantly layered songs that relate to man's folly and how they lost a love and found hope, and what have you. Like Jawbreaker and Jawbox and Jawsuperchunk, I mean, Superchunk.
But I’m also putting aside samples that remind me of The Alan Howarth/John Carpenter film scores so I can do a tribute album of electronic music someday.

Least favorite band / song?
The worst song ever recorded is Red Red Wine followed closely by Santa Claus is Coming to Town as performed by the E-Street Band.  The worst band is KISS.  That is not debatable.
Don’t tell Jason Edmiston. He’ll be required to challenge you to a duel at dawn as a full-fledged general of the KISS ARMY.
He's a wonderful artist, truly.  A master craftsman.  It's unfortunate that he is now dead to me.
Desert Island Music / Movies / Books: You know the deal. Five of each.
I'll bring one book, How to get the fuck off this island: By Survivor Johnson
One piece of music which is the training montage theme from Rocky 4 making my raft building happen in thirty seconds.
That might be the best answer yet. Except when I interview a girl and she says she loves Bukowski. Because if I ever find a girl that looks like The Baroness from G. I. Joe and reads Bukowski I will have to search no more.
If you could do anything other than what you do now, what would you do?
I'd like to be the spirit of christmas.
Which one?
Which one got all the pussy?  Doc?
I think the one that got all the pussy was The Ghost of Christmas Ass.
Nah, anything?  I'd love to own and old movie house in a small town and just show movies to an empty theatre.  Clean and sweep everyday and just grow old with my wife.
Who would you want to meet that you haven’t met? You get three choices:
Alive. Dead. Fictional.
I try not to meet people I admire, it removes that sense of awe about them and ground the individual as a human being.  So, I'd say anyone super rich and easily influenced.
Dead.  Vincent Price.  We have common interests and both like to smoke.
If I was running these interviews as a poll, and had someone that had the time and effort to tabulate the results, Vincent Price would be far and away the front-running nominee for “Dead”.   And Batman and God would be running a tight race for “Fictional”.
Batman is more interesting.  I somehow fail to see how I could converse with God.  It's a bit lofty.
What’s the best and worst job you’ve ever had?
I had a job as a butcher once.  I also had no training and was left alone to work the counter on a busy Saturday.  I had no idea how to weight anything, cut anything, wrap anything so all the meat I sold was priced as Sausage.  Ribs?  That'll be Sausage.  This entire hen?  Sausage.  I made a world of Sausage currency.
The first time I read that I laughed out loud. Loud out loud. Let me know when you get your sausageopoly reestablished.

Are there any questions that I didn’t ask that you wished I had asked that you would like to answer now?
You kept the high road and didn't ask about my wang.  I guess that's ok.
Is there something we should know about your wang? Because now that you brought it up I’m kind of curious. Not like bi-curious. But if you can use it like a prehensile tail or an elephant’s trunk I think the world should know.

Got any questions for me?
Yeah, why me?
We’ve got 36 imaginary friends in common. I call most of my Facebook friends imaginary friends because I spend most of my time at home by myself so for all I see people in real life they might as well be imaginary. Since I’ve been looking for artists/writers/musicians/film-makers/etc to interview for the blog, it was probably a matter of time before someone dropped your name. Other than that? No reason really. I had no idea what you did before I conducted this interview, but I’m glad that I did and had a chance to become better acquainted with one of my talented imaginary friends.
That's a great answer.
I do try, sir.

Pitch parade:
Give me all of your links for things you want to promote.   All of them.
Twitter: nope
Website: nope
Blog: nope
Etc.: nope

About the Interviewee:
Kelly Forbes is an untapped natural resource.  He can sing, dance and romance. He is also immensely anti-social and doesn't network or show up to anything.  You've probably seen his work, you've more likely not bought it.  But he continues, in his small hole crafting pretties for an audience of one.  He loves you still and hopes you smile.
He is also the doom bringer.

About the Interviewer:
Scott Lefebvre has probably read everything you've read and can write about whatever you want him to write about.
Mostly because when he was grounded for his outlandish behavior as a hyperactive school child, the only place he was allowed to go was the public library.
His literary tastes were forged by the works of Helen Hoke, Alvin Schwartz and Stephen Gammell, Ray Bradbury, Richard Matheson, Stephen King, Clive Barker, Edgar Allan Poe, and H. P. Lovecraft.
He is the author of Spooky Creepy Long Island and a contributing author to Forrest J. Ackerman’s Anthology of the Living Dead, Fracas: A Collection of Short Friction, The Call of Lovecraft, and Cashiers du Cinemart.
His reviews have been published by a variety of in print and online media including Scars Magazine, Icons of Fright, Fatally Yours and Screams of Terror, and he has appeared in Fangoria, Rue Morgue and HorrorHound Magazine.
He is the Assistant Program Director for The Arkham Film Society and produces Electronic Music under the names Master Control and LOVECRAFTWORK.
He is currently working on a novel-length expansion of a short-story titled, "The End Of The World Is Nigh", a crowd-funded, crowd-sourced, post-apocalyptic, zombie epidemic project.
Check out the blog for the book here:
Check out the Facebook Fan Page for the project here:
Check his author profile at:
Follow him at GoodReads here:
Check out his electronic music here:
And here:
Check out his videos at:
Check out his IMDB profile here:
Follow his Twitter here: or @TheLefebvre
Follow his Tumblr here:
Check out his Etsy here:
Join the group for The Arkham Film Society here:
Stalk his Facebook at:
E-mail him at:

OPTIONAL: Prove you’re not a replicant.

Question 1:
A tortoise lays on its back, its belly baking in the hot sun beating its legs trying to turn itself over but it can't, not without your help, but you're not helping. Why is that?
He's on top of me.

Question 2:
Describe in single words, only the good things that come in to your mind about your mother.
Pussy.  Er... Damn you Freud!
Question 3:
It's your birthday. Someone gives you a calfskin wallet.
Did they clean it?  Is there money inside?

Question 4:
You've got a little boy. He shows you his butterfly collection plus the killing jar.

Why did I take this little boy?

Question 5:
You're watching television. Suddenly you realise there's a wasp crawling on your arm.
I sing it to sleep and place it on my wife's arm.

Question 6:
You're reading a magazine. You come across a full-page nude photo of a girl. You show it to your husband. He likes it so much he hangs it on your bedroom wall.
I wonder how my gay husband cares about this.

Question 7:
You're watching a stage play. A banquet is in progress. The guests are enjoying an appetizer of raw oysters. The entree consists of boiled dog.
Pulled dog would be fine.  Boiled would make it gamey.

No comments:

Post a Comment