Thursday, November 14, 2013

Interview with Derk Jickface.

Full Name:

Derk Jickface  Awesome DJ

Do you have a nickname?
A few: Walt, Kouka, Kouka Khan, Douglas Walter Salvador, Walt Jr.  Slap Master D.

The City of Champions’ Brockton Hospital, Brockton, MA.
I grew up right next to Brockton in a small, very small town called West Bridgewater, MA
Current hometown:
Bridgewater, MA.   I believe that West Bridgewater is left of Bridgewater.

Favorite city:
San Francisco

6/6/1975  -  fucking 38
We’re the same age! Yay for us!

How would you describe yourself physically?
Skin Covered with hair coming out weird parts now.. fucking 38.  What?!?!

How would someone else describe you physically?
I’m guessing with adjectives like, awesome, the best, somewhat portugese looking, non-woman looking, marsupial, Eric Bogarsone-like.

The first thing people notice about you is…
How awesome I TRULY am.  You mean what I think people notice?  Ya, it’s my awesomeness.  I mean, look at me Scott?  I can’t think of any other word than Awesome when I need to describe my Awesomeness.
I also think awesome is the best way to describe your awesomeness.

Hair Color/Eye Color/Race?
Hair: Brown-Dark Brown... is on my body all over the fucking place except where it looks invisible, see thru and skin colored on my head.  Eyes: Hazel   Race: White.

Sexual orientation?
Woman.  All kinds.  All the time... I think about all kinds of women all the time. I don’t want to sound like I’m bragging but, you should see some of these woman that I think about and can picture in my head all the time. Man oh MAN! WOWSAH! Boy oh boy...   
I wish I could show you man.

Religion, if any?
I dig what Jesus said.  Though to this day, I am very uncomfortable going to any traditional church service because it seems like really, really bad theatre to me.
I hear ya, man. Even when I used to go to church as a child I thought it was weird that an old man in a fancy dress was trying to get me to drink wine.

Are you superstitious at all? Do you smoke/drink?   If so, what?   Any bad habits?
I’m not superstitious about anything really.  I smoke butts and weed.  I don’t drink anymore.  I’d like to quit cigarettes but I love them too much.  Someday...

Current occupation/Dream job:
I currently occupy my time by doing what is called “paying my dues” in the music industry.  I also work a few days a week at my family’s insurance agency- Salvador and Company Insurance Agency.

What do you like to do when you’re not at work?
Well I’m constantly working... but there’s only a couple things that I get paid for while there’s a bunch of things that I HOPE to get paid for one day down the road.

What is your zombie outbreak survival plan?
Haha.   Call all my old connects and get high as shit before getting a gun and going out in a blaze of glory.  I would hope to damage my brain so bad that the zombies would think it’s poison and stay away from eating it.

Weapon of choice:

Do you have any special skills?
classical music theory, audio engineering, Photoshop, FL Studio, video editing, laughing, napping, pointing out people's flaws, sarcasm, web page building, graphic design, sound design, songwriting, singing, rapping, yelling, typing, playing the drums, playing the piano, surfing the internet, Google analytics, sex, search engine optimization, social networking, being a Masshole, writing lyrics, swearing, being the best at being awesome,
Alright then, Captain Vague, how about you tell us what some of your special skills are?

Did you go to college and, if so, what for?
I went to 3 different colleges altogether.  I took as many music classes as I could while attending the first two, then switched over to music production and recording before graduating with an Associates Degree in Science:  the Recording Arts from a college that is now the Art Institute of Boston.

Any pets? If so, what are they and what are their names?
One big fat pain in the ass awesome cat. Her name is Hillary (named after a character in the movie Top Secret.)

What is your favorite animal?
I’ve always had cats and probably will always have cats.  But my FAVORITE animal is the cockroach because it's indestructible and supposedly can live through a nuclear strike.
Why the cockroach?

Speaking of pets, any pet peeves?
Yes... lots.  Currently my biggest is having to wait in line to get cigarettes while some asshole takes forever picking out his/her lotto tickets.
Holy. Fuck. It’s like you read my mind!
I get my smokes from a Sam’s Store across the street I talked into carrying my brand.
There’s always a few sad looking fuck bags from the neighborhood blowing their government checks on Keno and scratch-offs. I try to play it cool but I always feel like slapping them upside the head from beyond and yelling “Why don’t you take the bus to Twin Rivers and gamble your money away on the slots like a normal fucking person! Some of us have shit to do you fucking waste of life!” But I don’t. Because I like being able to walk across the street and buy smokes.

Favorite/Least favorite Food:
My favorite food is anything that I can eat.  My least favorite food, or dish, is Liver and Onions because the one time I tried it, it resembled the sensation of sticking my tongue on a 9 volt battery. 

What is your favorite quotation/motto/saying?
Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, Life is but a dream.

What is the best thing that ever happened to you?
I was born.

What is the worst thing that ever happened to you?
I was born.

Ever had your heart broken?
Yes, metaphorically.  No, physically.

Ever broken someone’s heart?
All the time I imagine.

What is the best thing you’ve ever done?
Had the courage to believe in myself.

What is the worst thing you’ve ever done?
Conned that old lady to give me all her cash.  Too bad she only had $20.
If you could kill one person, consequence free, who would it be?
My high school football coach.  Before I got to varsity, in my freshman year, I did AWESOME (as you can imagine) as a running back and a safety... but then when I got to varsity, my high school coach waited half a season before giving me a chance.  Well, the cornerback got hurt so he put me in and I made a couple tackles so from then on I started on defense.  But if there's one thing I was better at than tackling people it's running AWAY from people trying to tackle ME.  He never realized my potential and I blame him for everything that's gone bad with my life since that.  Fucking Jerk.
Why him?

How did you get started doing what you do?
As far back as I can remember, I've always been drawn to music.   I would mess around with the upright, out-of-tune piano at my house for hours and hours.  I learned a lot about scales and chords without knowing I was learning.

What is your advice to other people that want to get started doing what you do?
Never give up or listen to others who just don't understand your gift or talents.  Only you can succeed or fail on your own.

What projects are you working on?
My solo debut album called "The Disco Jerk" due out by the end of this year (hopefully) and "Awesomeness to the Maximum: Volume 1" under my other artist/band name Brothermaniac due out next year or whenever....  I also am working on a collection of samples called Jerkbeats: Drum Loops and Samples Vol 1 which are custom made audio loops that can be used for free under a creative commons license by any producer or songwriter etc. for their own projects.  It's a work in progress.

What are you watching?
The Clone Wars on DVD.

What are you listening to?
CD of Justice.

Favorite band/song?
NIN... every song NIN has really.  Haha.

Least favorite band/song?
Chumba Wumba.  I Get Knocked Out.

Desert Island Music/Movies/Books: You know the deal. Five of each.
NiN The Downward Spiral,  Cypress Hill Black Sunday,  Metallica Master of Puppets, Dr. Dre  the Chronic, White Zombie Astro Creep 2000
Star Wars all except for Attack of the Clones, 
What are Books?  If I read books still I’d get one of those readers to keep 10,000 books on it… and never read them.  
A Tale of two cities
Wuthering Heights  hahaha  Heath

If you could do anything other than what you do now, what would you do?
The one thing I wish I could do is get paid for my awesomeness and my awesome talents.  But to answer the question… I guess I’d start figuring out how to make time travel possible.  Or rule the Earth.  I suppose that’s something I wouldn’t mind doing…. Taking over the Planet and ruling with an iron FIST.  I also would change the name of Earth to NiggerFaggot World simply to overcome the foolish idea that some words are offensive and that I should refrain from using certain words to avoid “upsetting” fuckwads and dickheads who cry when they see a certain progression of letters in a row, cunt, or hear a fucking sound that someone told them is offensive if formed in a certain way.  Fuck them.  Fuck them in the Goat Ass.  What about Sticks and Stones?… Names will NEVER… I repeat  NEEEVVVVEEEERRRR hurt me… unless produced at a high decibel that blows my eardrums.  Get it?  I’m a D. J. only in name.  And that name is Jerk Dickface… I mean.  Derk Jickface.

Who would you want to meet that you haven’t met?
Trent Reznor, George Lucas, Jesus,  maybe a female celebrity… like Jen Anniston.  I bet you she smells awesome.  Like if I won a contest to meet her, I would be nervous that I would say “Hi…” then take a BIG nostril inhale before saying “Nice to meet you… Do you carry a rape whistle or gun?”  Because if she got disgusted by the inhale she definitely wouldn’t like what I did to win the contest or what I had planned for her.  Oh, Jen you’re such a worry wart.  And dumb I bet.

You get three choices: Alive.   Dead.    Fictional.
Oh shit. 

Alive.  Jesus
Dead  Jesus
Fictional  Jesus…  
I figure he’s got to be ONE of those things.  He was real so he’s not fictional.  Whether he was God’s son is what people argue about the most… well,  besides who is following God’s word the best and who should die for it. God’s word being in a book that he had other guys write a long time ago.  He published and marketed it awesomely though... It’s in every hotel and I think is the only book that is ever used with the premise that God must exist because His book is the word of God, and if the book of God specifically says it’s the book of God, then it is.  Even though each chapter gives credit to other guys, God actually wrote it… and had nothing to do with some other lost chapters as well like the book of Judas or Mary Magdalene   Well, I guess those other scrolls were just written by people that wanted God to hire them to write His word for Him.  I bet when they were done, they waived the fee in hopes to get a good cloud in Heaven.  Stupid idiots.   I mean God would definitely know if the book they wrote was by Him or them…. idiots.  Ya… so what was the question?  Oh ya…. sex.   It’s been a WHILE but I’ve had my share a long time ago that I didn’t appreciate… oh wait.  Ya, so Jesus.  I really would love to interview Him and get some pointers for everything in my life.  Or go with him to wherever if he says fuck this place and wants to go back to Heaven or something .  If He IS and was and forever shall be the Son of God, then I would ask a lot of questions about why this and why that, how does this work, what’s up with the Crusades?  etc. Stuff I’d still never understand. I’d also ask to borrow some DVDs of all the Star Wars movies that were ever made because he’d know already if I don’t ever return them or show someone or try to sell them.  I imagine Jesus is a real good friend like that.

What’s the best and worst job you’ve ever had?

Best job is the one I’m doing now for this Jerk Ass named Doug Salvador.  ONLY problem though is that I have yet to be paid for anything.  He keeps telling me 3 years isn’t long enough to become an iconic legend and that IF I want to get paid, I must offer something of value.  Fucking asshole got me with that one.  He doesn’t value half done songs and scatterbrained content that no one wants or can follow I guess.
The WORST job? None really.  If the job sucks, I quit immediately.  Therefore I don’t consider it a job at all… especially if I didn’t do any work or get paid for it cause I quit an hour in. 

Are there any questions that I didn’t ask that you wished I had asked that you would like to answer now?
You should have asked what WOULD be the worst job to be FORCED to have… Cause I would have said sewer janitor or rape coach.

Anyone you recommend I interview that you can put me in touch with?

Joshua Seaman.  He lives in San Francisco.  We think a lot alike.  And look alike too.  I’m better looking of course because I can rock the bald look while he can’t because he has a full head of glorious, luxurious hair that hasn’t fallen apart.  All around bad ass though. Although he’s probably more successful in his job, family and place in life, I feel I think I’m better looking than him.  Then again I haven’t seen him in like a decade.  He is part of which incorporates the love of biking with the love of food.  I love food but exercising for it?  I was thinking of making a site called that would deal with the love of making music as self expression as well as the shit food I encounter daily and am forced to eat because I’m broke and stupid. Cycling Editor and Public Relations:

Got any questions for me?

What is your ONE goal, the biggest GOAL at the top of your list that is a long shot but may be something you get to do?
Good question. I don’t think I have just one goal. I think if anything I would like to someday have a normal life. You know, house, car, kids, all that bullshit. But for whatever reason a normal life has conspired to be elusive.

Are you SURE you’re from Rhode Island?
Born and bred. Lived a few other places for a few years but I always end up back in Rhode Island.

Do you have a mustache and drive a piece of shit sports car that was popular in the 70s?
Nope to both.
How do you stay focused with all the things you’re involved with?
I work on them one at a time, except when I’m multi-tasking. I’m usually doing at least two things at once. For example, I’ll be writing while listening to music and cruising for samples. I guess it comes from being born ADHD and learning how to adapt to it for the last few decades. Also if I lose interest in working on one artistic outlet I’ll move onto another, so whenever I’m taking a break from working on one thing, I’m working on something else and that way I’m always genuinely enthusiastic whenever I’m working on whatever I’m working on so it never feels forced or insincere.
Dude, that's awesome.  I TRY and do the same.  I had an inkling you had ADHD just because of your huge output of ideas and content. I've recently been told by my therapist that I have "hyper activity in my brain and an enhanced focus to detail."  She also said that I probably have ADD but because I'm so bright (awesome) and was able to deal with it I didn't get pointed out in high school as having it...  Plus it wasn't as big way back when I was a kid.  haha
How the fuck did we become friends anyway?
I think we’re both friends with Richard Griffin, and we were both commenting on a status update of his and I liked what he had to say so I added you.

What’s the fastest animal on Earth?  The cheetah, next?
I also think that it’s the Cheetah.
It’s a line from Airplane the Movie.
Damn it! I hate it when I lose the recognize the movie quote game!

Pitch parade:
Give me all of your links for things you want to promote.   All of them.

Twitter:  derkjickface

Twitter:  brothermaniac
Blog:…  you can view at

About the Interviewee:
Single guy with a plan to take over the world.  Or sell some original music.  Whatever comes first.  I have fun… no… I have a FUCKING BLAST creating music, art, video etc on my own so I can’t wait to be able to collaborate again because that’s fun ass well.  But no one understands why I’m not making money immediately at something I just started because they don’t understand what I’m doing or why no one buys my music… even when THEY don’t or ever will even LISTEN to my songs.  I’ve been writing songs since I was in 6th grade so I KNOW I was born with an understanding of music.  I’ve spent about 2 years now learning and practicing over and over and over the SCIENCE behind sound and getting a quality sounding professional recording.  I’m 95% there I think.  I enjoy it really.  Except for the times I fucking don’t.

About the Interviewer:

I just realized I don’t know much about you except you have a overabundance of great ideas,  are keen and clever, have an original writing style that not only is informative and consistently funny, but holds a certain beauty in it’s flow and word choice.  Plus you hit like on my dumb posts a lot.  Thanks.

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